Smoking Cessation

I think my husband and HR department have conspiracy... they believe I need this...

Recently, I've been smoking like crazy... literally parang dragon! It's one outlet of mine to release stress, anger and depression. I'm not allowed to smoke because I am asmatic. I was even hospitalzed thrice because of bronchial chumenalin forte due to smoking. My husband is so mad whenever I smoke, its like I am having an affair with another man, whenever I do this... he rattles me like crazy. He even took a picture of mine in his mobile and I should be behind the bars, because matigas ang ulo ko and dapat parusahan...

Since, I am hard headed as always, this was not the first and last picture in the hospital on another incident but same reason...

After shift tambay at Petron SLEX. BTW, that was not my fingers. It was Don Yaptinchays fingers. We're fooling around after I got hospitalized... then again got hospitalized once more and the tag is the only thing I would like to show you, because I look awful... even I got hospitalized in Asian

After those 3 awful hospitalization, I decided to quit. Then a blessing came when I quit, we concieved Yuan and I had regular working hours... Day shift...

And then I came to SG and started smoking again. Maybe because Jae is no longer my side to inhibit my desires to puff yosi... I'm not justifying but it feels so good to smoke. Especially with coffee. It relieves me from my depression and stress. Most of the time I'd rather sit, and be quiet. I have a lot of friends in SG, but most of the time I'd rather be quiet. That makes me find peace atleast, since I work and mingle with so many people everyday. But smoking would atleast make me quiet and not alone at the same time. May companion akong inde nagsasalita at inde nag cocomplain. Minsan nakaka stress din problema ng ibang tao, and thats why I go with smoking again. Before, dahil tipid mode ako, I smoke every Friday with my dear friend Loren. When I started earning I smoke twice a day, kase ang mahal ng yosi SGD$11.10 around PhP344, wherein the Philippines its only PhP45.00, ang laki ng difference di ba? Pero lately napapadami na...

I started to smoke when I first tried and puffed Marie Anne Velasco's (high school friend) reds. Then I bought 1 pack. Dahil sobrang katangahan ko, I was smoking inside our bathroom and my mother was doing her laundry at our backyard... Nakita nya na may umuusok sa may banyo. And when I opened the door, I saw her furious eyes and I heared my eldest sister laughing like mangkukulam! Ahahahaha.. still it echoes in my ears... then I got grounded. Then ayun, hatid sundo kami sa Santa Isabel dahil sa kagagahan ko... galit na galit mga kapatid ko sa akin...

Coffee and Cigs blend well together

I know smoking is bad for my health. But when I came to SG and smoke, believe me inde na ako hinihika ever. Oh well, cross my fingers that asthma attacks wont happen again.

FYI

This can be found on every pack of cigarette in Singapore... and to mind you Singapore government is also clever, they make sure your are not just using the pack and put your contrabanned cigarettes because they also label each sticks. One time I was smoking, they spot check my cigarrettes and I'm thankful that my sticks have labels....

Credits from SPDC and Llyods blog

Looking

I started job hunting...

you may know the reason why

huhuhuhu

Edgardo

This monday morning I feel so terrible and depressed as always. I just miss my family so much. My Papa just came back from US and they are all having tremendously fun time in Paranaque. I can't help but to be sad and wishing I'm also there.... But I was stuck at home watching CSI Season 8.

My Papa was the best guy I've ever known, besides from my many guy friends and of course my Jae. He is not the perfect father, but I know he is the best one that any kids can have. My kids love my dad, he loves children so much, maybe that is the reason why we are 10 siblings in the family.He loves to drink, when we have this talyer way back, he always use to drink 3-6 bottles of San Miguel Pale Pilsen and can finish 1 whole box (case) by himself.... So he is alcoholic...

My dad is the coolest, he taught me how to drive at the age of 13. I am having difficulty to reach the pedals but that experience was awesome! How cool my Papa!?! He always brings us to fiesta carnival or COD at Araneta Center to watch the thingymajig during Christmas Season. We live in Paranaque and we go long way to North just to go malling.... And go for our groceries at Cherry Fuderama in Mandaluyong. He loves to hug and kiss and loves to talk. He is very open and vocal to say I Love You Anak, even I am married he often calls me in SG and say " I LOVE YOU" sincerly. He even call us names... My eldest sister Angel is called NGUSO, he calls me MUKHA, Cresil is called TUHOD, Floyd is called RAMBO, Alvin is called BEHO, he name Claresse BUMBAY, ALLAN as NONI, Emelaine as MANE, James as ILONG and Vincent.... as Vincent. Lahat kami sa bahay may binyag... I was in Grade 5 when he left for US. I was sad... pretty sad, because I am a Papa's girl. Because I look like him... kaya sabi nila nung bata ako, panget ko daw, kase mukha akong lalake. But Papa loves me so dearly. Kase walang may favorite sa akin... Hahaha So this afternoon, my husband called me from our house in BF, they are about to go home in Laguna... I heard my Papa's voice in the background and Jae passed the phone to him... I feel sad... and I wish I'm there to help him finish all the Pale Pilsen he bought. My dad just said... "Miss me anak? Come home... I'll call you once I get a SIM Card, and we will have kwentuhan...."

Thats my Papa. I have a lot of great memories with him. He ask any questions and he loves to listen. From learning how to ride a bike and to drive... To have a so... I was there when he was making kwento to my husband what position is the best to have a son... believe me my Papa is an expert after having 5 sons with my mom. My dad is palikero, but I never hate him because is he responsible as always, even I am married...

Love you Papa. I miss you

Sleepless in SG

I dunno... I have something in my mind. I already cried but I still cant sleep. Most of the time I'll cry and get tired of it and fall asleep. 

A lot of things bugging me right now, and I already drank 2 tablets of biogesic... but still I am up. I have work tomorrow, to finish a lot of documentation. I am tempted not to go work and call in sick... but I'll have tons of work on Monday of I don't come to work tomorrow... err later.

I wish I'm in some other planet, that might not make me bored or something....

Unfortunate

Sometimes, I feel sad when we think of how fortunate we are by comparing ourselves to those who's less fortunate... I feel bad. Just to feel and realize how blessed we are, we tend to see others suffering. Do you ever feel that way sometimes? Most of the times I make fun of it... especially the "PILAY story".. for those who knows me... and the story you know what I mean... though I feel sad after making fun of the pilay story. Its not that I dislike the disable....

It human nature I guess, but its awful. Whenever I friend of mine would say that they are sad or got this gazillion problems in life or they just dont know what to wear for tonights party... I would always bring this up by starting with "Isipin mo nga yung pilay... inde nakakapag medyas..." and there will it start a funny, wicked conversation... But in the end of it all, its sad. 

In reality we appreciate what we have for moment whenever we hear a sad story of someone from someone or watched a tragic situation in Maala Ala mo kaya or Magpakailan Man. Maybe that is the reason why we Filipinos love it, the drama to compare our current situation to others. We pity them and afterwards iisipin natin na "Maswerte pa din tayo... yun nga iniwan ng asawa...or nabaon sa utang at wow hanep naka pangasawa ng puti, nakaahon sa utang..." Then this situation and story brings us hope, don't you think?

Whenever we feel helpless and seems no solution to anything else we think of those Unfortunate Ones... but it would be best to be thankful everyday that we are blessed and not to compare ourselves to them. 

Or maybe this is reality? 

I'll See You Soon

I'm so inspired with Cold Play's I'll see you soon... I can't wait. Seeing the pictures made me inspire to strive harder to see them... to hear their laughter, to hug and kiss them once again. I should get up and be  strong. Focus... Focus... 

God is good and he will guide me through...

The Breakdown

Paula and I have this wonderful openess. We always talk and she never hesitate to ask me, or tell me anything. I'm proud that she is like that. I never had that kind of openess to my Mama when I was young. Anyways, we always talk over mobile, sms, chat and video chat. After school she logs in her dad's laptop and make sure to say hello or make kwento of what are the things that happened in school. Tonight was different. Not the usual hello and how are you Ma? She was sad and she have tears on her eyes... She blurted "Mama, I miss you..." And I ask why are you crying sweetie? Never replied.... sobbing on her pillow. I buzz her which she always do whenever she sees me crying on webcam. Then she type back, "Umuwi ka na mama... I miss you so much.  We are a sad family...." An 8 year old couldn't showered with toys... My Paula, can't be showered with material things that she have. She values family and knowing me I cried... such a cry baby that I am, I can't help but show her I am crying (usually when I cry, I turn off the webcam). So I explained that I'll try my best to come home or for her to come again to SG... His dad came to the picture and I can see them talk and Jae said, "Come home, Rae" 

Paula and Jae is very open as well. Then Jae, typed what Paula said, you never ask her what's on her mind when we are on the way to the airport. I was looking at her looking. She's just looking outside the window, and that is so unusual behavior of her, because whenever she's in the car, she talks a lot. That moment, she was all quiet and looking outside. I was so scared to ask her feelings that time, because I know it will be so hard for me to accept. And that was my big fault. There is something in her mind and I never ask. I guess, now I understand my Mama, that she's just scared to ask...

I feel bothered. I'd like to come home at the same time. Any jobs in the Philippines? Trainer? Learning Specialist? I have mixed emotions. I would like to retire by age 40, that is 10 years from now.... I would like to give my kids everything... but how?

Fun for Free

On my way to another yard to conduct training, one of the engineer informed me that FUN is Free! All you have to do is sms 2009 to 797777 to get SMS passport that gives you a chance to obtain free admission to Sentosa, Jurong Bird Park, National Museum of Singapore, Singapore River Cruises, and Singapore Flyer.

This is one way to attract people to go out and enjoy. The recession is on going and the SG government is doing its best not to let their citizen to feel the world is turning upside down... So they are giving them the oppurtunity to have fun for the whole weekend of Febuary until March 1.

I already sms and I have my fun passport, atleast even in few hours I'll need not to worry about recession... :*

Eiekkk!!!

I'm getting stressed everyday...

People and friends were getting retrenched...

And here I am panicking. 

I want to go home.

Worried

The ship is sinking, group yourselves into one...

Everyone is getting worried about the the crisis that is happening all over the world and foreign workers working in Singapore. In Keppel Offshore and Marine, they have announced that they will remove 10% of workforce in each Keppel Company. That includes Keppel Shipyard, Keppel FELS, Keppel Shipyard Benoi, Keppel Singmarine, Keppel Energy, Keppel Logistics, Keppel Land, Keppel Bank or even Keppel Road... Keppel is one big company and its like a household name in SG. They started cutting down the workers from contractors since most of the ship owners files bankruptcy. Just come to think of it, building one ship is not just thousand of dollars, we are talking about millions. They already started taking off people and giving them immediate force resignation, just after Chinese New Year... I have one team, consist of 5 Trainers and now, I am left. Worried enough that I still don't have savings so I am starting to look for some openings in other company. My employment statues in Keppel is 1 year contract and I am hoping to be absorbed, but with what is happening... I am scared and all I can do is hold on with God's promise. It was an awful scenarios, employees cleaning up their desk and wont see them the next day. Cubicles were getting empty everyday. Two months back when the downfall of AIG and Leehman Brothers broke out in public, our SGM assured that Shipping business is not affected by this turmoil... but hence we can now feel the effect. The sudden lost of my whole team? Scary and now I am worried. 

Coming Back to SG

I'm back in SG...

I feel so sad again...

I miss my friends...

My family....

I wrote this while on the plane...

"As of now I am literally in the plane blogging at this moment. I can't forget Paula's sad face on our way to the airport. I am guilty as charge. I know she wanted to say something, I can feel it and I am so scared to ask. I miss her already. 8 days was so fast and I am looking forward to come back home. I hope I can save as much as I could so I can visit home again. Yuan seems so clueless, but the sweetest part of it is that he was with me at the passenger seat while inside the car. He hugged me tight when I bid him goodbye. As if he doesn't want to let go... and I don't want to either. But I need to. My husband can't help but say sorry in the airport... even before we left our house, with tears and holding it back. I know in his heart that he was sad and can't help but hold my hand while he was driving. I'm looking forward to see him very soon in SG. I hope I have convinced him enough to stay with me. I am so spaced out right now. I can still feel Daddy Lo's hug and his tears gushing, Paula's sad face. This is so emotional, I just can't help but cry and cry this whole flight. My bff Loren met up in the airport, before I depart... her sincere hug, the true friend hug... I certainly miss our cry nights and laughter. My Jae's last long kiss... I was confused if its goodbye or don't go..."