Don't judge me I'm not a book

Oh well... I remember Melanie M. saying this dahil pinagtatanggol nya si Joey M due to Kris Aquino scandal... nakakatawa di ba?

Ang sarap pag sigawan sa officemate ko na, "Please don't judge me, you don't know me". We're having lunch, then she asked, "ilang months anak mo nung iniwan mo sa Pinas?", I reply back "5", then ang sabi nya "sobra ka, ano ka bang klaseng ina?". Natulala ako. Tumulo luha ko, tapos inde ko natapos ang sweet and sour pork rice na super favorite ko. Kalungkot no? Inde naman nya ako kilala bakit nya ako huhusgahan? Sabihin na lang nila na mukha akong pera, wag lang iquestion anong klase akong nanay. Naalala ko tuloy yung movie ni Vilma Santos, pag ang ama nagtratrabaho, magaling syang tatay, pag ang ina nag abroad, at nagtrabaho, masama syang babae... (something like this). Hirap no. Alam ko maldita ako, pero yung tanungin ako sa pagiging ina ko, medyo nakakabaliw. Ngayon naiisip ko yung sweet and sour pork... nagugutom tuloy ako...

Chillax

Last night was a spa night with Janey. I'm on my way home and Janey called asked where am I and invited me to go to True Spa. I was thinking to have a massage this weekend because there is a new one in Northpoint Mall in Yishun and they have a promotion SGD38 for 70 minutes massage, but most of the time I'm not sure if I need to render overtime, they inform me in a short notice. Usually the price of massage in SG is around $50 and above. Since Janey is a member of True Spa, I got the whole body massage for free together with foot reflex. Thanks Janey...
I feel relaxed today. I feel so shy when the lady started massaging my whole body because naglalagutukan ang mga buto buto ko (strange noise when she stretches my body). I feel relieved. Aylovette! For the last few days I'm so stressed at work and feeling tired to get up in the morning. Now, I felt refresh. I had a good sleep last night, and didn't woke up until 4 Minutes by Madonna alarms... I hope I'll have a stress free day today and I'm so craving for Lee wee and bros Nasi Lemak... Yum... Since yesterday, I'm so craving for it.
By the way there's an IT show

Definitely a lot of good buys. But no money to shop... There's also great sale in Giordano, tops ranges from $3 and up. Giordano jeans, and slacks for $19.00. Charles and Keith will have their year end sale this weekend, click here for details

Orchard Road is so fab last night and they said it will look more fab on 24 December. I don't think I'll be strolling along the streets of Orchard on that day. I'll be scrouge, and I'll hate Christmas on that day. I just wish I can just come home. I feel so bitter....

Im also gettin impatient. We haven't receive the confirmation letter to claim Macky. Or the mail system in SG is slow? hahaha

I feel so sleepy

Working in the shipyard must be tough

Poor Guys, Rae's their rude busmate

You may say that I'm so rude taking this guys' picture while sleeping. But I can't help it... On my way home yesterday, getting ready to take a nap (which I usually do for 45 minutes trip home), this 2 guys caught my attention. I was sitting on the other side, and I started laughing. I was actually thinking, if when I doze off do I look like this two guys... can't help wondering. But I've read something taking a nap is healthy. Even a 12 minutes nap can boost your memory. So, I think I need 12 minutes nap every now and then. Because I've notice that I'm so forgetful lately. Every afternoon we check the bus numbers to make sure to ride the correct bus that goes along my place, but I need take a look 3 times on the board or say it, and when someone ask me whats the bus number, definitely I'll forget it. Shalini said, I'm Dory... from finding nemo. I had 3 major operation and anesthesia is getting in my nerves... My husband jokes around that I should also forget the foolishness he had done in the past...

When I was young, I hate taking a nap. Now, I just love it. Basta may pagkakataong makatulog, I will. Na deprive ako sa tulog when I started working in a call center for 6 years. Definetly a lifestyle change. Drinking session and going out with friends during daytime. Before, "Lets dine Out" and when your working during the night, friends will tell you "Lets get some breakfast". Ngayong I'm working in not so regular hours 7:30AM to 4:30PM pwede na din. Here in SG sunsets around 7PM just like in Malaysia.

------

Yesterday, I receive a call from Cuppage Spa in Orchard. They are giving free 70 minutes massage, and I'm wondering if I'll go today. I need some back massage, it aches most of the time. I would want to have some time off because I noticed that I've been working pretty hard lately. Going home late due to overtime, I even work whole days saturdays. By the way, we are still waiting for this.

Bus Ride

Lately, medyo mabigat ang pakiramdam ko. This morning when I was getting ready for work, I feel like don't going at all. I rendered a lot of overtime and I would like to have some long day sleep and rest. I wake up every 4:30AM because I have to catch my morning shuttle. There are 4 bus stops before I get to the pick up point and the shuttle pass by around 5:55AM - 6AM, I arrive 10mins early in our pick up point because if not I'll take the public transport and I cant sleep during the trip. Our shuttle arrives Keppel Shipyard, Tuas by 6:45AM and I'll take my power nap by then and wake up by 7:30AM and thats how everything works. My work supposedly ends by 4:30PM however, overtime is a must. So, I stay back until 6:30AM and if thats the case I'll be home around 8:30PM! Because shuttle leaves the yard at around 7PM and goes around Singapore! Passing by, Thomson Road, Yo Chu Kang, Ang Mo Kio, Khatib and the last one is my stop Yishun. It feels like so highschool, when I'm riding Mang Pete's School Bus. Na miss ko tuloy yung school bus driver namin, pag sabay sabay nagbabayad ang mga ka service ko ng fee, he'll treat us for a Mc Do burger. Kaya nung nauso ang pa-burger ka naman... I remember him... And I pop my friend and servicemate a message. Here's our conversation, and I just found out that our driver passed away...

Rae: morning
clairetoring: halu
Rae: buhay pa si mang pete di ba?
clairetoring: magandang umaga
clairetoring: di na
clairetoring: matagal n syang patay
Rae: oh no
Rae: i dreamt of him last night
Rae: creepy!
clairetoring: talaga
Rae:
clairetoring: cguro 5yrs ago p
Rae: oh my
Rae: kunilabutan nman ako
Rae: pakshet
Rae: hayyy
clairetoring: oo di ba sinabi q sayo
Rae: nakalimutan ko
Rae: ewan ko
clairetoring: punta sana kmi nila tawas at mace
Rae: i was writing a blog
Rae: tungkol sa mc do cheness natin with mang pete
clairetoring: oo nga eh
Rae: hayy
Rae: parang ayaw ko ng isulat
clairetoring: miss q n un
Rae: oo nga e
clairetoring: dami nating kalokohan
clairetoring: ung jeep ni mang pete hay daming sulat
Rae: yun nga e

Rae: tsaka yung pa burger nya
Rae: pag sabay sabay nagbabayad
Rae: sa mc do roxas
Rae: hayyy
clairetoring: oo nga eh
clairetoring: hinahanap nya tayo
clairetoring: nung nasa hospital sxa
Rae: oh no
clairetoring: kaya gusto namin pumunta nila mace at tawas
Rae: naiyak nman ako
clairetoring: kaya lang super lakas ng ulan
clairetoring: eh nasa quezon p sxa
clairetoring: gustong gusto q pumunta nun eh
clairetoring: nung nagumpisa ung yahoo group natin dun sxa namatay

I wish I have a copy of our school bus days in Sta. Isabel. I have some back home. The memories that we have in Mang Pete's school bus can't be forgotten. Unfortunately, I'm no longer highschool, and for sure inde masasakyan ng shuttlemates ko ang mga trip ko way back in highschool... The people around me would never be the same --- di ba obvious asa SG ako at wala na sa Pinas??? Pero, sobrang kakamiss na dati ang problema ko lang paano mo papataasin ang grade ko sa Math kase lagi akong natutulog at pumupunta sa clinic after recess kase yun e.. kaya nakakaantok. Buti na lang medyo mabilis akong pumick up at never bumaba sa 85 yung math subjects ko... I would say na na enjoy ko highschool life ko, pero iba pa din yung college, kase iba na yung freedom. Dun ko na nakilala yung magiging tatay ng mga anak ko at maging kumare at kumpare ko --- Cheezy tong part na to... Waaahhhh

Excited

We ordered it, Friday.

And waiting for the claim letter... We we're advised that will receive the claim letter after 7 working days.

Geez... I'll check our mailbox definitely later... and the day after... I have the mailbox keys...

I'm Uber excited!

Freakin Feelin

Kakainis...

Alam ko maldita ako...Pero, inde ko maintinihan na every morning may smile ako sa face.

Ewan ko ba kung naflaflater lang ako or nag feeling lang...

Oh well... Im clueless...I know you too

Gift

I'm so sleepy today. I'm finishing some manual that needs to be done by Nov. 25... This assignment was given 1 week ago, its actually revising the whole thing with no documentation. I'm doing the screen shots and my hubby's gift on my left hand caught my attention. He's showering me expensive gifts and that quite scares me. Should I be scared or he's just generous lately?

But I'm so thankful. We have the same ring, since we lost our wedding rings (or he just intentionally lost it)... Thats why I'm ranting for a new wedding ring... (Jae, pakasalan mo ulit ako on our 10th year!)

Taba ng fingers ko. Mana ako sa mga Santos side, they say that pungok at matataba.

I just found out that on this coming Saturday, I'll be spending the whole day in the office. Toxic Toxic Toxic... Or maybe toxicated na ako sa mga amoy ng workers...

This is what's inside my training room. A container was converted to a computer laboratory where we conduct the hands on training for the system. Our training room is jampack with timekeepers everyday and believe me... just picturing 12 Bangladeshi and Indian all together inside the room... Whoah! Toxicating....

I took this picture from my shuttle. If you notide the containers infront of the tosca, then that is the container where we conduct our trainings... Before you get there you have to pass by a very smelly rooms of foreman and supervisors... Geez... I literally breathe thru my mouth.

Shalini -- From North India, CheeSing -- Malaysia and Prabhu South India

(L-R) Yu Par-- from Myanmar, Mary Ann -- Philippines, Fitri -- Indonesia, Boon Tat -- Chinese, Chee Sing --- Malaysia

These are my two collegues that celebrated their birthdays last October. Above was Shalini (my co trainer) and below was CheeSing.

I never thought I can be part of one big company that is so diverse. I know the bank that I've worked with is also diverse, however this one literally you'll mingle with them everyday.

Getting Intouch

I was getting our mails yesterday and something caught my attention... an envelop and its different from our bills, and it was addressed to me! And I hurried up and opened it. And there you go, my ever first Christmas card from United States and it came from my highschool friend, Arlynd Agbayani.

Its amazing that friends way back still remember sending you some greetings.

Arlynd's handwritting didn't changed at all

My face so oily. Wasn't able to wash my face or powder it -- So excited!!!

Arlynd,

Thanks so much! Your christmas card was the first to arrive!

God Bless!

Alegrea

----

I was thinking of sending greeting cards this coming holidays, its just that I don't have the courage yet. Feel sad kase whenever I thought about Christmas. I'll be celebrating it here in Singapore, the very first time that I'll do it... without Jae or Pau nor Yuan. This was supposedly our first Christmas with Yuan, unluckily... due to my jobs demand... then I have to be here in December but hoping to be home by January.

Another Reunited event was over the internet, I saw her online and went invisible --- para lang si Janey when she was avoiding us... joke! Sa wakas, after the long search, I saw her online na din! Lagi ko syang inaabangan sa YM pero inde kami magkatagpo-tagpo

So, when I saw her online I PM her right away, and there you go we started chatting.... and I'm happy that she's doing well.

Next week, AJ and I will see Jao... and I am so excited!

Heartbroken

It not because of Jae, he's been behaving pretty well.... Not because of Pau or Yuan.

It's quite hard to be away and when you Mama have this tampo towards you and said so many painful things...

Then she'll tell everyone in the family na wala akong utang na loob...

I dont want to elaborate.

Heartaches again... Heartbroken....

Happy Birthday Sister dear

Claresse and I at Taco Bell SouthMall, PH

Im not really sure how old is she now, or I'm still on denial on how old I am. She loves my kids so much that she voluntary stays with us in our house in San Pedro, Laguna. I'm proud of my dear sister, will be praying for your exams and I hope you'll pass this time. Happy Birthday my dear sister! I love you so much!

----

I stayed at Jane's place last weekend. I cooked Filipino Style Pancit Bihon, and this is the very first time I cooked it. I'm happy that they loved it! My specialty is more on pasta but I'm happy that they enjoyed eating it, or maybe because for such a very long time they haven't eaten Pancit Bihon... Hehehe. I slept at their place and believe it or not, I'm snoring so loud that I even woke both of them up. I woke up late yesterday, around 10AM because my hubby called. So tired from Saturday work and then we slept so late as well. Around 12 Noon, Greys -- my housemate called. She said that there is a Singtel Promotion with broadband internet and they are giving away MAC Books for free!!! And this pump up the blood in my veins because I've been longing for this for a very very long time! So, we met up at City Hall MRT station and headed to Suntec Convention and there's so many people! Estimated 5,000 peepz inside the convention center. My employment pass can't be used because I have a balance from my mobile phone from last time, and then when we queued using Greys employment pass still not eligible because it will expire 5 months from now... And I feel soooo sad, because the lady told us, its the last day of the promotion... So, we headed to a church nearby and attended the Sunday 6PM Mass.

So, while passing by the mall near the Bus interchange we saw the Singtel Promotion and its on going!!! And there was happiness inside me and I said I have to convience Nots to use his employment pass to get the promotion... later this afternoon... we'll be going. Wish us luck!

Happy birthday Janey!!!

Its was November 15,2007 when I was sitting in my cubicle and saw my phone alarming... AJ's 29th birthday... So my shout out was Happy Birthday AJ. I saw her online thru YM, then went invisible... Then greeted her by sending her PM. And she replied back... and there was a big smile in my face. I asked if she receive our sms, and she said she turn off her mobile because she's in SG celebrating with Mike. Then there was exchanging of information that I'm pregnant that time... It was exactly 1 year ago when she replied thru our sms and pms, she have this BIG tampo towards us, and I know, honestly it's really our fault... But never the less, real friends stay together no matter what.

(please click the slide button to preview the pictures-- Mafie I grab some pictures from your multiply photos -- thanks)

We've known each other since college and now I have kids and married... basically we've been friends half our lives... Way back in college, they always thought that we are siblings or something... But most of the time our schoolmates would refer her as Ruffa.... Ruffa Gutierrez, see the resemblance? --- hint the Crown :-P... Nah! The Smile! They have the same smile and believe me when you hear her speak... she's colegiala, so you can visualize what am I saying?

To a good and generous provider for her family, to loving daughter to Mommy, to the wonderful sisters of Let, Juliet and me -- sama ako, to the best Ninang of Pau(according to her), to the amazing wife to be for Mike, and to the bestest friend I can ever have Happy Birthday Jane! I love you girl!

Grrr...Azah

Salbahe ba talaga ako? Inde ako mabilang na tao, pero bakit ngayon.... Minsan kase inde ko talaga kayang makipagplastikan e. Whenever I'm annoyed, I'll be so transparent you can see me smirking at you, and I'll be vocal about it... Ayaw na ayaw ko kase ng abuso... Tambay ka na nga, wala kang ginagawa, tapos aasahan mo pa yung mga housemates mo na maglutro at mag asikaso for you, including fixing the table and washing the dishes! Lalabas ng room pag nakaluto na tapos bibigyan kami ng certain look na ay nakaluto na kayo? Bat di nyo ako tinawag? Ang sarap tadjakan. Miss ko tuloy mga housemates ko sa Sengkang, the best talaga yung mga tao dun, may kanya kanyang topak pero can manage. Sabi nga nung mga friends namin na nakasama nitong the WHO na housemate na wag namin i-spoil, kase abuso tlaga. So dahil we feel so abused, last night me, together with my two housemates and we ate out.... hawker area in our place. Salbahe ba kami? Pero may food sa ref, may lutong sopas and siningang. When we arrived around 830PM her girlfriend is about to leave for work and haven't eaten anything. Ganun palagi yun, papasok, wlang kinakain... pero wala namang ginagawa boyfriend nya sa bahay... tapos pag off nya, sya pa naglalaba... so, sinong inde maiinis. Inde pa to kumkain ng repeat na ulam...

So ngayon, were not in speaking terms, kase pikang pika ako. Ayaw kong kausapin... kase I might blurt out something that will hurt him. E buti sana kung kagaya yan ng asawa ko na makikinig at pupunta sa house ng tita nya, e inde... bka suntukin na lang ako bigla.... e mabagal reflexes ko kase naman ganado kumain lately...

Inde namin makayanan to, inde namin alam kung pano aaproach tong housemate naming pasaway e.

Transportation in SG

I know I've been whining about how I miss my family and how lonely I am here in Singapore. Friends would also like to know what are the things and changes here in Singapore that I have encountered. And transportation is something that is life changing when I arrived here.

Back home I do drive our family car - Dimaano's car, Honda Civic 95. I love this car so much that I myself did a lot of changes in it ofcourse with the help of our mechanic. Since my father is an auto mechanic and I grew up in a talyer in Parañaque, love for cars and modification is definitely in my veins. My Papa always says that if I was a guy then he will pass the garage to me, and run it myself.

Here in Singapore public transport is everything. They have MRT, buses and taxi. If its peak hours,waiting time is 3 to 5 minutes and if its off peak 8-10 minutes waiting time. You dont need to pay token, they have what they call EZLink. Its is a card with stored value that you need to tap on the gantry whenever you need to ride MRT , used when riding the bus and can used in MC Dees and other resto and hospitals. Its worry free to take the public transport in Singapore unlike home. Kakatakot because siksikan (congested), dukutan -- can be your valuables or your body parts, holdup or worst hi jack and bombing.

Me, Ate Sheila, Ate Lali and Sister Marie

Inside MRT waiting Area in Sengkang Station

Sa mga tamad maglakad ---Dhoby Ghaut Station Walkalator

Nots, Loren and Me fooling around inside the MRT

buses on a busy street

inside a double deck (2story) bus

For more information regarding what bus to take click it here. Kase dito ang buses walang karatula kung papuntang Cubao or Baclaran. It only have numbers and there will be the list in each bus stop what bus number to take and where to alight.

For MRT information, click here

Paula Growing Up

Last night I called my daughter and have our usual talk regading school and her activities. She said "Mama, lipat mo na lang ako ng school, ayaw ko na sa CSA" ako naman na windang... CSA is a good school... So, as a mom who's away, ask her why... "Inaaway kase ako, kahit ako yung vice mayor, ayaw nilang makinig.... hinihila ni Rio yung palda ko"... and then she sobs... And then I said, wag nyang intindihin yung mga classmates nya, just make sure na she'll do well in school --- Pero sa totoo gustong i suggest na hilain nya buhok ni Rio or batuhin nya ng sapatos nya.... Eto na ang isa sa marami kong fear... my daughter being bullied, I know it feels like because I AM A BULLY MYSELF ("Pengeng Five Pesos" - patawad sa mga hiningan ko before)... parang mas matindi pa to sa heartbreak or loosing my virginity e... Then this morning I called and ask her, how is she doing, she said... "Mama, dyan na lang ako sa Singapore mag-aaral kahit mahirap silang intindihin, at mabaho... pagmagkasama tayo hindi ako inaaway e" another heartbreaking moment while on the phone with Pau. Paula's been so sheltered and spoiled but she can do things independently. She's always looking forward to be here in SG. Sabi ko wala ka namang friends dito sa Singapore anak.... She said, "andyan naman si Ninang AJ, Tita Greys, Tita Peggie, Tito Nots...at magkasama tayo..." and then she pass the phone to his dad... and his dad said that Paula ran and closed the door of her room and cried. Eto yung mga ayaw ko nung bata ako, unwanted feeling na gusto ko na lang lumipat ng school... especially nung natalo ako sa student council for Vice President when I was in Grade 5. Ayaw ko ng pumasok... Pero I dont remember how I get over it e... Basta pumasok na lang ako ng school and waited for the year to be over and won the next year e...

Naisip ko tuloy na next school year, dito na lang si Pau mag aral. I need her to take Mandarin lessons sa Pinas, so that it wouldn't be that hard.... ang problema ko lang si Yuan... medyo pricey kumuha ng maid dito... and Jae, dont have that plan yet to stay with me here in SG. Sa Japan pa rin daw sya since may trabaho pa rin sya dun and nakita nya yung status ng housemate ko na for 7 months epec holder wala pa ring work... so nakakaworry... medyo panget mag job hunt dito especially if call center ang background. They preffer strong technical background and madaming prayers.

I thought being a career woman and a mom is the hardest part, mas pinahirapan ko pa sarili ko ngayon that I am away of my kids... My officemate said, when you were interviewed you highlighted... "I want challenges, thats why I want to have this post" Eto sayo! Challenges and heartbreaks when your away from you family.....

Ngayon, iniisip ko pano strategy ko with Pau being a mom and away... Panu kaya?

my take on infidelity

Lagi nilang sinasabi, "ang pogi ng asawa mo", sa isip ko naman, di ba ako maganda para makapag asawa ng pogi?...

Its been so many times na nahuli ko tong pogi kong asawa na may text or ka chat or ka bulungan sa phone, or saw a freakin' video pero inde ko pa rin hinihiwalayan. Tangga ba ako or sadyang tangga lang? Anyways, believe it or not, we're married for 8 years and been dating for 6 years before we tied the knot. So, it been a decade or so that I know this guy. Sinasabi ng mga ka berks ko na bat inde mo hinihiwalayan? Dahil ba sa mga bata?

Sa totoo? Inde ang mga bata ang dahilan, kaya kong buhayin mga anak ko (and he knows it). Mahal ko. Naiisip ko yung asawa ko nung bata super kulang sa pansin, na lahat ng attention sa older brother nya. And he was raised by his aunt and uncle together with 2 daughters (I'm not saying na panget pagpapalaki nila), but if you think of it, inde sya anak sa family where he grew up. The treatment can't be the ANAK way... So when he feels like he's on a spotlight it feeds his ego up to his neck and he loves every second of it. So.... in short KSP sya (kulang sa pansin)... whenever I challenge him to let go, he can't (or sadyang helpless lang sya). And when he say he loves me, he means it. And if you know the person for almost half of your life, you just know. No words need to utter, just the look and the way he helds you... you just know. Even your afar, you'll know if something is wrong or someone is getting on MY way. Maybe I'm too forgiving? Or talagang tangga lang ako? Or maybe eto ang few many reasons why he can't let go?

So this are those few things I always point out to my girly friends or guy fwends whenever they feel na niloloko sila ng mga bowabells or girlalu nila...

1. things you dont know wont hurt you.
2. wag mag usisa ng nakaraan... for sure masasaktan ka lang
3. wag gumawa ng fake friendster para lang manghuli
4. wag kaibiganin ang ex gf/bf --- kabaliwan to!
5. wag buksan ang emails ng bf/gf
6. wag makipag agawan ng cellphone sa bf/gf
7. dont talk about the past especially the incident when you caught him/her red handed --- mas maiging nakipag hiwalay ka na kesa nakipagbalikan di ba?
8. wag bantayan ang bawat oras/minuto ng girlalu or bowabells nyo
9. dont fight/ argue and have sexy time afterwards.. pag ka sorry lang bubukaka ka na jan... its so bakya!
10. be open minded --- forgive and learn (not forgive and forget right away...)

So, I hope this helps. Love is a two way street (I feel so cheezy), but if you start not to bring the past, this person will love you and will make every inch of effort to let you feel how sorry he/she that he/she cheated on you....

nothingness

I was looking on my desk this morning and it feel so empty, or maybe I'm just thinking that its empty... I know its all in the mind. It reality there's a laptop, my water jug, my stacks of stationary, my mobile phones, my huge bag and tissue box. I've realized I haven't decorated my station, I haven't posted some pictures or my family, and I'm planning to print this one....



Mukhang Popeye si Yuan sa laki ng pisngi... or this one?





Since, roving ako. No permanent place and I hop from shipyard to another. I'd rather not decorate my station...


----

Last Saturday, I have overtime. I have to work for the whole day, Saturday since our Project iSRP system is about to launch and this is a big thing to the KST. I'm proud that I am part of this big big project that will be implemented all over the world, that includes Philippines (might have to go home for free), Australia, Middle east, etc... BTW, on my way home, riding on KS shuttle I noticed that there is something wrong in the streets of Ang Mo Kio, SG...






I can't believe na dito sa SG meron din malakas mag trip!

:((

Minsan, di mo maintindihan...

Bigla ka lang malulungkot

At matutulala

Tapos

Iisipin mo

Ano kaya para bukas?

Iiyak ka

Dahil....

Maiisip ko yung dalawa kong anak na nasa Pinas

Tapos maiisip ko yung madami kong obligation

At

matutulala na lang ulit ako

Nakakaulaw

The reason you call home is to say hello and for you to be updated on what’s going on especially to my kids. But when you are greeted by problems that make your day so awful. Now, I’m sad. And now its seems I’m not in the mood anymore. I feel bad. I wish I didn't call at all. Should have just browse the internet while there's no trainees, or just check and check my office emails. Puro na lang whining of the what happen in the past. Kakaulaw at nakakapikon. And I can't do anything since I'm far and away... Duh? Can I do something about lost shoes that cost 20,000 YEN? Or lost Gucci watch? Or what dance presentation he need to do for one company. I know that sometimes we need to talk to someone, our confidant... I know me and my husband are together almost forever and he depends a lot of things on me. I'm not complaining at all, its just that I CANT DO ANYTHING as MUCH as I WANT TO HELP. And I feel that this are the spaces in between that I can never fill up. This are shortcomings that I know I can never do anything because I'm far away... That makes me sad and upset


----

Today, its YUAN's 10TH month... 2 months to go he'll be one. I'm excited. However, I don't know if we'll celebrate it the way Paula did celebrate her 1st at Kenny Rogers, Makati. I wish I can give Yuan the same birthday part... I'm so blank.

I MISS HIM

Working abroad is soo hard... especially when you have a lovely kid like him. He's so small when I left him. He even can't merely sit on his own or roll over. But now, he can walk and attempting to jump. He's a happy kid, and a smart one. Whenever he falls down, he make sure he curl his back so that his head wont hit the floor. He utters mama and dada so early for his age. I have missed a lot... things that I've seen during Paula's growth, until Paula turned 7. I feel so blue... I miss them both.

Flashbacks of Yesterday

Lately I've been dreanming about people from my past... People I've met along the way. Some are dead, and some I don't know where they've been. For instance my classmate when I was in 1st and 2nd year highschool, Wilma Utchiyama... She transfered to another school and never had any news about her. The last time I saw her was in MC Dee in Harizon Plaza, near the cinemas, where she works as a part time crew and that was way back in college. Then I dreamt about my co teachers in Our Lady of Carmel School and believe it or not we are having our yosi break in one call center and chatting regarding the customer they last spoke to... Ang labo nung mga panaginip. Then yung parents ni Jae, kasama kong kumakain sa hawkers, we were happy talking about the kids and my hubby... but why? Why the kids not there... why Jae not there... Im just wondering...

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I WANT THIS!

Birthday Birthday

She's my hubby's Tita. She's the one who took care of my hubby from the time he started kindergarden until today... She even started taking care of us when I join the family... and then Paula and now Yuan. She had her masectomy last September. Year 2005, the doctors removed a pea size lump in her right breast and this year it grew back... so the doctors decided to removed the whole right breast. Now, she's celebrating her 70th Birthday. Happy Birthday Tita Emily... I love you!!!

PS: I dont have a solo picture of her, she's the one wearing pink flowery blouse

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By the way, while I'm creating tons of report for the Project that I'm handling I'm listening through my lovely F480 this song made me stop and just listen...

why do I love you?
if lovin’ you only means bitter
thoughts that you are near and yet so far….

why do I love you?
if lovin’ you only means sleepless nights,
false hopes and dreams of lovin' you

what more can I do?
but to dream of you
coz only there I could hold you
close to me…..

why do I love you?
why did you hurt my heart that way?
why did you take my love away?
why do I keep on waitin’
and hopin’ yet I know…..
that you can never be mine again….
http://www.free-lyrics.org

why do I long for, the tenderness of your kiss.
the warmth of your touch is all I wish..
but you’re so far..

what more can I do? But to dream of you,
coz only there I could hold you close to me..

why do I love you?
why did you hurt my heart that way?
why did you take my love away?
why do I keep on waitin’ and hopin’ yet I know…..
that you can never be mine again...

Medyo matagal tagal bago ko isulat at mag post ng pictures regarding sa visit nila JP, Yuan, Paula and Mama dito sa SG. Nahohomesick kase ako everytime makikita ko kung gano kasaya nung andito sila... Nakakalungkot na sana masaya na lang kami together dito... pero minsan kailangan mong matiis...

Yesterday, Nots connected his laptop to our TV and watched the picture slides that we have when my family came to SG... It made me laugh and smile... We thought babaha ng luha... pero I've contained my emotions and then made happy na rin...

MY MOMENTS WITH YUAN

There are moments that I don’t want to forget when my family was staying here in SG for almost 2 weeks. This is one of the crybaby moments I had that will give me a better drive to work harder...

We are packing up the stuffs, since flight was 00:45. And Yuan was eating the remote control... and everyone was so busy. Then, I blurted... "Yuan, be a good boy... I will miss you... I will see you soon... HE STOPPED, STARTLED... and then he cried.... then the world stopped.... MY world stopped... then I started saying "IM SO SORRY.... IM SO SORRY.... IM SORRY...." and after that he back to his normal self... started eating the remote control then never come near me again... sad no?