On dying

I woke up late today... I should wake up at 4:30AM and I woke up 5:30AM with my chacha shuttle alarm. I didn't hear my 4 Minutes by Madonna alarm at all. Im dead to the world, sad to say. I have two alarms in the morning. First at 4:30AM for me to prepare to work and the second was leave the house at 5:30AM because I have to walk at the bus stop and transfer to the bus interchange to get the Keppel Shipyard shuttle. So, because I have a terrible headache from last night and I drank two tablets of Paracetamol, I doze off like a baby. I rushed to the bathroom then dress up fast. So I took a bus, then MRT to Jurong, transferred to Boon Lay MRT and take a cab to work. If I take the bus, I'll be late. And I don't want to be late. Thank God! Janey lend me her book Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.

Goodness I have it in my bag, and I was amazed reading it in the MRT. Most of the lines almost made me cry. I haven't finished it. Halfway reading it, and it feel so good. There was a part when Morrie was telling Mitch about "once you learn to die, you learn how to live". I believe in this one...

I had my second major operation. Apendectomy last April 2005. I have severe pain on my lower right abdomen. I was so painful that I was crying and crying and can't stop.Then, we went to a nearby hospital in Laguna and they said we have to prepare 60K for operation and the room will be in ward? My God! We'd rather head to Asian Hospital because its accrediated hospital of PLDT, but my manager wasn't answering if its accredited or not. So, what we did is we headed to Las Piñas Doctors because its near my parents house in BF Parañaque, plus we have a family friend who is a surgeon who's practicing in that hospital. She found out we have to really remove my apendix, so we are scheduled 7AM. I was crying. I already have one scar due to ceasarian operation for Paula, then my tummy will look like my elementary embrodery project! It was all set. I had my anesthesia, and doze off. It was all white and then there was Mommy Paz, my hubby's dead mother. Looking at me and smiling. I just utter, they need me. And there was chest pain, because the doctors was reviving me. They have used a somekind of a thing on my chest, and let me live. I never knew that I was clinically dead for 5 minutes... Thats why my doctor, Dr. General hugged me with teary eyes when she saw me first time after my operation, and whispered " I thought I will loose you" . I just found it out on the tech operating report that I need to pass it to PLDT, my company that time for the benefits to claim. I was speechless and from there I started to love my life more and more.

Thanking God each day for the time he still lends me. To fulfill my dreams and the dreams that I have for my kids. Me and my husband's goals. I know there is also a line there that its not all work and I'm so guilty with this one. I feel sad that I'm working so far away with my kids. Miles away from the family that I love. I'm doing my very best and soon I know God will help me be with my family again.