Paula Growing Up

Last night I called my daughter and have our usual talk regading school and her activities. She said "Mama, lipat mo na lang ako ng school, ayaw ko na sa CSA" ako naman na windang... CSA is a good school... So, as a mom who's away, ask her why... "Inaaway kase ako, kahit ako yung vice mayor, ayaw nilang makinig.... hinihila ni Rio yung palda ko"... and then she sobs... And then I said, wag nyang intindihin yung mga classmates nya, just make sure na she'll do well in school --- Pero sa totoo gustong i suggest na hilain nya buhok ni Rio or batuhin nya ng sapatos nya.... Eto na ang isa sa marami kong fear... my daughter being bullied, I know it feels like because I AM A BULLY MYSELF ("Pengeng Five Pesos" - patawad sa mga hiningan ko before)... parang mas matindi pa to sa heartbreak or loosing my virginity e... Then this morning I called and ask her, how is she doing, she said... "Mama, dyan na lang ako sa Singapore mag-aaral kahit mahirap silang intindihin, at mabaho... pagmagkasama tayo hindi ako inaaway e" another heartbreaking moment while on the phone with Pau. Paula's been so sheltered and spoiled but she can do things independently. She's always looking forward to be here in SG. Sabi ko wala ka namang friends dito sa Singapore anak.... She said, "andyan naman si Ninang AJ, Tita Greys, Tita Peggie, Tito Nots...at magkasama tayo..." and then she pass the phone to his dad... and his dad said that Paula ran and closed the door of her room and cried. Eto yung mga ayaw ko nung bata ako, unwanted feeling na gusto ko na lang lumipat ng school... especially nung natalo ako sa student council for Vice President when I was in Grade 5. Ayaw ko ng pumasok... Pero I dont remember how I get over it e... Basta pumasok na lang ako ng school and waited for the year to be over and won the next year e...

Naisip ko tuloy na next school year, dito na lang si Pau mag aral. I need her to take Mandarin lessons sa Pinas, so that it wouldn't be that hard.... ang problema ko lang si Yuan... medyo pricey kumuha ng maid dito... and Jae, dont have that plan yet to stay with me here in SG. Sa Japan pa rin daw sya since may trabaho pa rin sya dun and nakita nya yung status ng housemate ko na for 7 months epec holder wala pa ring work... so nakakaworry... medyo panget mag job hunt dito especially if call center ang background. They preffer strong technical background and madaming prayers.

I thought being a career woman and a mom is the hardest part, mas pinahirapan ko pa sarili ko ngayon that I am away of my kids... My officemate said, when you were interviewed you highlighted... "I want challenges, thats why I want to have this post" Eto sayo! Challenges and heartbreaks when your away from you family.....

Ngayon, iniisip ko pano strategy ko with Pau being a mom and away... Panu kaya?